Teenage Anger

Teenage Anger - questions to ask, things to do, treatment.

"My teenager is always moody and angry. I never know what to expect or what is going to set him off. I am walking on eggshells. Today he came home in a bad mood, slammed the front door, and went to his room. By the time I went to find out what was wrong, he had already kicked a hole in his wall." - This scenario sounds very familiar to more and more parents today. Teenagers are faced with some emotional issues during this period of development, such as questions of identity, separation, relationships, and purpose. Some have not learned to express their feelings of frustration and confusion about these issues and become angry.

Anger is a feeling, not a behavior. Usually it is a secondary emotion brought on by fear, loss, or hurt. It is the negative expression of anger that we see: physical and verbal violence, prejudice, malicious gossip, antisocial behavior, sarcasm, addictions, withdrawal, and psychosomatic disorders. There are several underlying reasons for anger, such as physical, verbal or sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, grief, alcohol and drug abuse, and trauma.

It is always wise to have the teen take accountability for his/her own anger and the expressions of it:

Questions to ask:

Where does this anger come from?
What situations bring out this feeling?
Do my thoughts begin with absolutes such as "must," "should," or "never?"
Are my expectations unreasonable?
What unresolved conflict am I facing?
Am I reacting to hurt, loss, or fear?
How do I choose to express my anger?
To whom or what is my anger directed?
Am I using anger as a way to isolate myself, or as a way to intimidate others?
Am I communicating effectively?
Am I focusing on what has been done to me rather than what I can do?
How am I accountable for how I am feeling?
How am I accountable for how my anger shows up?
Do my emotions control me, or do I control my emotions?
Am I aware of anger's physical signals (clenching fists, sweating, shortness of breath)?

Things to Do:

ASSESS FEELINGS: It is the teen's responsibility to identify the feelings beneath the anger. Stop what you are doing and focus on emotions and feelings.
NEUTRALIZE THE EMOTIONS: It is the teen's responsibility to neutralize strong emotions so he/she does not immediately act on them. Learn to delay responding to anger. Identify situations and people that trigger the anger and prepare for them. Learn relaxation techniques.
GAUGE THE ANGER: It is the teen's responsibility to determine an appropriate amount of anger relative to the situation. Think about consequences of angry expressions. There is a healthy amount that does not lead to helplessness or to destruction.
ENGAGE THE CORRECT PERSON: It is the teen's responsibility to choose the appropriate time and place to talk with the right person about the issue. Learn to identify who you are angry with and why. Deal with one issue at a time, be clear and respectful. Be accountable.
RESOLVE THE SITUATION: It is the teen's responsibility to reach a resolution. Repair damage, apologize, and replace lost or broken items. Do what you can do regardless of what others do. Forgive and learn something new from the situation. Accept what you cannot change.

Treatment:

If angry bouts and temper tantrums persist, it might be necessary to see a health-care professional. Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Individual and Family Psychotherapy are helpful. There might be underlying psychological disorders that need to be treated with medications. Have a psychological evaluation done. Long-term anger management program in a Specialty Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center might be necessary. Sometimes well-run wilderness programs with therapy are adequate.